"MOODS"

Okay, I don't really feel inspired enough to find a quote and picture like usual, and I'm definitely not up for finding a word that has 'lee' in it. 

So today, we were supposed to start writing something - the Teahouse bit, and I had finally convinced myself to be enthusiastic for it and make new characters and get everything ready so we really could play all day, like she said.  But of course, when I get my hopes up for something, it never happens.  Well, maybe not never, but hardly ever.  So now I'm stuck with doing nothing while I wait for her to draw even more pictures and color them and design even more characters. 

I don't mind the pictures, and it wouldn't be a big deal at all if this wouldn't have been the first day we were going to play since like... two weeks ago.  Whenever she got those markers.  It probably hasn't been two weeks; I'm exaggerating, most likely, but on that token, it's been a long time.  I don't know what she thinks I do during the day when I'm not writing with her, but lately I've been having to work very quickly to fill that hole.  There are huge chunks in my day that I don't have anything to do.

It's only frustrating because I was so looking forward to playing.  I accidentally slept through my alarm, and when I got up, I was ready to start.  I wanted to get words down and I wanted to start working with our new characters, but now, I'm stuck doing nothing and replying to an RP that isn't quite as interesting or as fast-paced while I wait.  I think she's mad at me too, for not being completely enthused about her making four new character sketches.  How can I be enthusiastic about that when it's all she's been doing for a week?  Pictures are great, sure, but I'm ready for something a little more substantial.

Otherwise, it's going to be "by noon" that I'll have characters to work with, but what am I supposed to do until then?  I have a class almost right after that, and then I have to go to work... These are hours lost.  I need to work on my biology homework and study for the test, work on my math quiz, do so many things, and right now, I'm just stuck waiting.  Waiting isn't fun at all.  I literally have nothing to do; I planned my day around the promise that we were going to play all day, and now that we aren't, I'm bored.

This is starting to get on my nerves.  I mean, honestly?  I'm bored and tired and I'm getting another headache.  I can feel it starting right between my eyes and I still have another hour left at work.  This sucks, and I'm tired of feeling like that.

But short of not talking, I'm not comfortable telling her any of this.  She's my best friend, sure, but I'm not good with explaining my feelings.  Blogging is easy; I can just sit down and rant about my feelings.  Actually explaining it to another person is tricky.  You have to think about the way you say something, your word choice, and whatever else you add.  It gets so complicated and I feel like if I explained all of this, I would start a fight.  I don't want to start any fights; I don't want to do anything except play.  I don't like drama, and I especially don't want to waste any more time.  I'm tired of wasting time with doing nothing.

Like right now.  I'm tired of all of this.  If she isn't done and we haven't started playing by the time I leave work, I'm honestly just going to take a nap and try to forget about it.  I'm losing inspiration with how long this is taking, and I don't like that. 

But I should do productive things now instead of ranting about how I feel frustrated and kind of burned out all the time.  Blog-therapy... So good for me. :)

PEACE.
-lee