Genius is always allowed some leeway, once the hammer has been pried from its hands and the blood has been cleaned up.
-Terry Pratchett
W X Y Z
Today and yesterday - so busy.
It was a little ridiculous how busy yesterday was. I mean, Mondays are usually my busiest day of the week. I don't know what I was thinking when I thought it would be a good idea to make Monday the only day I get up earlier than eight in the morning, but apparently, I did. What was I thinking? At least I got some good food today. So many vegetables; I love it. But I will say - I'm tired. Today was so long and so full of activity. Morning math and psychology, a break for lunch, Spanish, time for a twenty minute nap, three hours of mixing chemicals and pretending to know how to use a spechtrophotometer, and then hours toiling in math lab.
I like being busy, but this is a little ridiculous. This morning, the girlfriend tried to wake me up to say goodbye, since Tuesdays are reasonable and I only have to roll out of bed at ten to get to my first class on time. She said I sort of kicked at her and grumbled and she had to leave without telling me goodbye after all. I was a little sad, but somehow I managed to wake up without an alarm and drag myself to class - oceanography - to learn about sediments and the ocean floor and things that don't sound so interesting via blog but are actually right up my alley.
But the real reason I wanted to blog today - and yesterday, I guess, since I started this post Monday and just never got around to finishing it - is because I feel kind of lonely. Not that blogging is a good alternative for human interaction. I mean, it's probably because my estrogen levels are through the roof - wink, that time of the month - but I dunno. I just feel really down right now.
Of course, I couldn't exactly talk this out with anyone. I don't feel completely comfortable sharing my feelings with real people; I don't know if that's the way I was raised or if it's a personal reflection of the fact that I trust so few people, but talking about myself and my problems and my feelings has never come naturally to me. I don't know how to get the words out. I'm not good at it. And anything I'm not good at, I immediately dislike. Call it perfectionism to a fault - I can't talk about my feelings because if it isn't exactly the way I feel expressed in words, it's not good enough. Maybe that's it.
I did stumble across a very interesting article the other day, though. The fifteen distorted ways of thinking. It was a basic list, but reading over it, I really realized just how easily our perception of reality can be distorted by simply thinking a certain way. Like, for me, I catastrophize. Really badly. Didn't get a text from the girlfriend who went to work on a project? She's probably hurt somewhere - or lying on the side of the road, phone smashed - or dead or dying - or she never made it - or something. It's never just, "Oh, no text? Well, she's scatterbrained. I'm sure she just forgot." Everything has to be taken up a notch.
It might be a reflection of my psychological health that I think the worst of everything. I don't like to have my hopes let down, and I don't like to be wrong. Preparing for the worst is something I do naturally, most of the time. And when I don't, I realize that I should have.
I'm thinking about writing something with those distorted ways of thinking, actually. It sounds like a fun project, and I think I'm gonna do it. Maybe I'll plot something out right now, since there isn't much else to do. On the other hand, I could just go to sleep. How I love sleep...
But I guess I've rambled about different things for long enough; I don't really feel any better, but at least it's out there that I feel lonely and I'm not in a very good mood right now. Maybe some hot chocolate and a hot shower will make me feel better...
PEACE.
-LEE
I like being busy, but this is a little ridiculous. This morning, the girlfriend tried to wake me up to say goodbye, since Tuesdays are reasonable and I only have to roll out of bed at ten to get to my first class on time. She said I sort of kicked at her and grumbled and she had to leave without telling me goodbye after all. I was a little sad, but somehow I managed to wake up without an alarm and drag myself to class - oceanography - to learn about sediments and the ocean floor and things that don't sound so interesting via blog but are actually right up my alley.
But the real reason I wanted to blog today - and yesterday, I guess, since I started this post Monday and just never got around to finishing it - is because I feel kind of lonely. Not that blogging is a good alternative for human interaction. I mean, it's probably because my estrogen levels are through the roof - wink, that time of the month - but I dunno. I just feel really down right now.
Of course, I couldn't exactly talk this out with anyone. I don't feel completely comfortable sharing my feelings with real people; I don't know if that's the way I was raised or if it's a personal reflection of the fact that I trust so few people, but talking about myself and my problems and my feelings has never come naturally to me. I don't know how to get the words out. I'm not good at it. And anything I'm not good at, I immediately dislike. Call it perfectionism to a fault - I can't talk about my feelings because if it isn't exactly the way I feel expressed in words, it's not good enough. Maybe that's it.
I did stumble across a very interesting article the other day, though. The fifteen distorted ways of thinking. It was a basic list, but reading over it, I really realized just how easily our perception of reality can be distorted by simply thinking a certain way. Like, for me, I catastrophize. Really badly. Didn't get a text from the girlfriend who went to work on a project? She's probably hurt somewhere - or lying on the side of the road, phone smashed - or dead or dying - or she never made it - or something. It's never just, "Oh, no text? Well, she's scatterbrained. I'm sure she just forgot." Everything has to be taken up a notch.
It might be a reflection of my psychological health that I think the worst of everything. I don't like to have my hopes let down, and I don't like to be wrong. Preparing for the worst is something I do naturally, most of the time. And when I don't, I realize that I should have.
I'm thinking about writing something with those distorted ways of thinking, actually. It sounds like a fun project, and I think I'm gonna do it. Maybe I'll plot something out right now, since there isn't much else to do. On the other hand, I could just go to sleep. How I love sleep...
But I guess I've rambled about different things for long enough; I don't really feel any better, but at least it's out there that I feel lonely and I'm not in a very good mood right now. Maybe some hot chocolate and a hot shower will make me feel better...
PEACE.
-LEE
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