S-LEE-PY

 Dawn:  When men of reason go to bed. 
- Ambrose Bierce

I don't write notes very often.  I'm not very good at documenting my feelings, and I enjoy it even less.  It just felt like right now, sitting at the desk at work, seemed like a good time to sit down and write about how I feel today.

Today is a fairly good day.

I woke up super early to get to work, during which I did simple tasts like alphabetize and deliver a stack of books across the quad.  It wasn't challenging, and I did get so much reading done out of my A Rulebook for Arguments, so I guess I really can't complain.

Then I left work in favor of my only class today, my critical thinking honors class.  My paper from last week - the one I was the ony one to write out freehand, because I'm definitely dumb - got called out as having made a good point.  It made me feel good; I even worked up enough courage to talk at least four times during teh discussion.  It feels like there's a group we have going; I talk, Meredith talks, Dillan talks, and a few other people chime in, but mostly it's the three of us that do a majority of the talking.  I don't mind.  I like to talk.  I especially like to argue - when it's just for fun.  Not to be confrontational.  I dislike that.

Now I'm at work again, sitting at the front desk.  There are a whole bunch of us here.  I don't remember seeing this many names on the schedule, but whatever.  I can deal with having three other people around.  It doesn't bother me much. 

Mostly I'm just hungry.  Getting from honors to here took some time, and all I had time to munch on was an apple.  I don't mind that much either.  I've been hungry a lot lately.  It's weird; there's no way I'm pregnant, but I just can't seem to get enough food.  Ever. 

I feel kind of.. blah today.  It was a fairly good day, but I'm not sure how to describe it.

I like it here.  The dorm is quiet most of the time - excet for those stupid bitches next door that bring people over at all hours of the day and night and laugh uproariously, like, 'Haha, we're having fun and you aren't.'  That pisses me off, and the next time they're laughing through the wall, they better believe I'm going to tell them to shut the fuck up.  Take your stupid laughing outside, please.  I do not have the patience nor the niceness to deal with that. 

I feel especially critical today.  I want to nitpick out all the details of everything and point out their flaws.  Not my own, though.  I don't want to point out that I have flaws.  I know I do; I just don't want to poke at them today. 

My hands are shaking worse than normal.  My eyes sting too - I think I need to sleep.  I'm hungry, tired, and bored.

This note is turning into a bunch of complaining.  I don't really mind.  It's easier for me to complain in writing than it is for me to speak it out loud.  I would rather both Facebook with my problems than anyone else.

Something is going on.  I don't know what it is, or what it might be, but something is definitely going on - going wrong, maybe.  This 'college' business is interesting - some fun, some not - but I don't feel like I'm doing enough.  Not that I would do more if I had it, probably.  I don't do enough with what I have, that's for sure.  But I did think about a lot of things last night, when I shut down all my means of contacting people and sat in the room, all the lights off, no music, no noise, just me.

This is also why I dislike writing notes.  They always turn out depressing and angsty and I dislke that too.

But I did a lot of thinking.

And part of this thinking brought me into direct contact with things like flaws - things that I didn't want to poke at.  Things like my self image, things like my emotional issues, things like my personal perception.  It has recently become very obvious that I see things in an entirely different light than most people.  Maybe this light is detached.  Maybe too detached from situations to figure out what things said and done are actually about.

I think I'm done.  When I'm better-rested, I'll write again.  Now that I'm on my own, there's nothing stopping me.

I'm out for now.

PEACE.
 -lee

LEE-DING THE WAY

"Hmm... could it be then that it is not the authentic, but the simulated Hungarian which is the epitome of exotic glamour?"
- Zsuzsanna Ardó

 H          M          M     .     .     .

As the quote may suggest, I took this picture in Hungary.  It was in Budapest, actually.  I'm in love with that city.  Buda, the city on the hill, and Pest, the industrial district..  Man.  I love it.  The architecture, the people, the buildings, the stores.  Even the slightly tacky Four Seasons and Hilton Hotel.  I just love the city.  And the food - even as some of the locals joked, we never went hungry in Hungary.  Har-har-har.

It is a very beautiful city, though.  But whoever wrote the Blue Danube had to be smokin' something, because the Danube River is anything but blue.  I'd say it's more like a muddy off-brown.  You could probably find some blue if you squinted.

Anyway, I took his tablecloth picture at a beer garden.  I know, right?  There's even rice in the salt shaker, and someone explained to me that that was because it keeps moisture from ruining the salt.  I had no idea.  I felt so enlightened after that.  But now, on to the good stuff.


Oh, life.  Oh, writing.  Oh... oh.


I just don't know where to start sometimes. 

Little blue eyes is staring at me from across the room.  My cat, the kitten, the adorable white furball monster, has decided that if the food in his bowl isn't fresh every ten minutes, he won't eat it.  So I feel like some sort of deranged mother, screaming at my cat that he won't get any more food until he finishes what's in his bowl, goddangit!  

I put up a new chapter on FFN.  Things aren't getting reviewed as quickly as I'd like them to be.  My posts just keep getting swallowed.  It's kind of annoying, actually.  And I think I'm finally ready to start my own mystery novel.  Finally.

Now, all I need are characters, a passable plot, and a handful of journals.  I have an idea for the starting point, and a vague idea for the ending point, but all the stuff in between... Whew.  Where am I going with this?  I have an idea.  An idea was just born.  I'll have you know, blog, that this is so good for me.  I sort things out in my head and then I end up with more plot bunnies than I know what to do with.  Which is why so many of them end up hopping away.

H          M          M     .     .     .

I know it has to be an optical illusion, but it looks like the letters get bigger to me.  It's strange.  

I have a first name.  All I need now is a last name.  This is so exciting.

The first thing I worked on just broke 14k yesterday.  I'm sort of proud of it - except I'm not sure if I like it or not.  It feels strange to me.  Like I didn't write it.  I did write it a while ago, but it just doesn't feel like me.  But now I have something that does - and it just broke 300 words.  I'm hoping I can get a solid chapter one done tonight.  Heee.

I'm so excited about this new idea.  I have a lot of plot bunnies hopping around up there in my pathetic excuse for a brain, so I'm really hoping they go somewhere.  Right now, they seem to be going somewhere fast.  I'm so excited.  I need to cut this blog off so I can go work on it!

Hmm.. now I need a setting...

PEACE.

-Lee

NATURAL-LEE

"O for a horse with wings!"

-William Shakespeare

It's been a few days, huh.

That's W.  Rather, pronounced with a Southern accent, this is Dubya.  He's pretty freaking awesome, even though I really haven't seen him in a while.  He's gorgeous too.  I mean, look at that emo forelock haircut.  He's gorgeous.  If the real W looked like that, I would be all over him in a heartbeat.  Maybe even a little less.

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I am tired.

Not just the 'Oh, I haven't slept in a while, so I'm a little sleepy.'  This is like, hardcore 'I NEED TO SLEEP FOR 45 DAYS STRAIGHT OR I WILL DIE.'  I dunno - it's strange.  I've never felt so tired before.  I haven't been doing things differently, unless you count all the texting I've done.  And the writing.  Oh, the writing.  So much.

I hope everyone is so proud of me.  I even have a few rudimentary character sketches up for some of the old characters that I didn't like.  I think I'm going to just rearrange them.  That way, I can get stuck with a protagonist that I don't mind working with.  And maybe if I get a reasonable plot going, that would help too.

Today was boring.  Yesterday was boring too.  This whole week is taking way too long to finish, especially since this weekend we have Monday off.  I'm really looking forward to it.  That means I have lots of time to sit around and plot.

I need to do some serious writing and some serious thinking.  And just to be serious.  I need to sit down and think about where things are going, because at the moment, they're going in places that I don't know where they'll end up.  I mean, I have a plot.  Sort of.  And I have no ending.  At all.  I am considering writing something like I Spy.  I Spy is good - and creepy and delicious and full of senseless violence and torture and all sorts of exciting, fantastic goodness, and I think I could definitely repeat it.  With my own characters and a new setting.  Heh.

One thing I need to not do, though, is pick at scabs.  It's bad for my skin.

I'm too tired to make this sensible and long, so I'm going to bed.  Maybe tomorrow will be better.

PEACE.
-Lee

MOST OR LEE-ST?

The worst thing in the world is to try to sleep and not to.   

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

C          A          M           P

You know, I think we really confused Pedro the Donkey right there.  That kid's name was Kianu, I think, or something like that.  It definitely sounded like the way I spelled it, but if he reads this some day and is all pissy because I didn't spell it right, feel free to correct me.  I'll change it.  Or something.  Anyway, he was sleeping in that water trough, and Pedro goes clomping over there for a drink and I swear, nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw there was a kid in there.  So funny...

He didn't get up for a while, either.  I wonder if the algae-infested water got to his head or something.  Or maybe, you know, the logical conclusion would be that he was just tired.  Camp is pretty tiring.  It took so much effort to not put 'I'm not gonna lie,' right there.  I'm so proud of myself - I didn't.

Today's character will be different.  I enjoy blogging about my day in someone else's personality, actually.  I didn't realize how entertaining it was until I read over yesterday's blog.  It kind of made me giggle a bit.

Writing is making good progress.  I pulled up something I started a... while ago, and I read over it.  The basic plot isn't too bad - so I have to think about how I can work with it.  I might change the characters all around, though.  I don't like most of them.  And that is definitely a problem.  I can't write with characters I don't like.

Plus there is the fact that it's like, two years old, and my writing sucked.  Huh.  I'll pull that back out and try to edit it.  Plus, my fanfiction is making great progress.  If anyone reads D.Gray Man, this is Lee Isidor speaking.  Anyway, I Spy is making progress, finally.  And so is BoD.  And also ST.  Speaking of ST, chapter eleven is nearly almost done.  I just have to wrap up the last scene - and it's already 5.3k plus, thank you - and then it'll be done.  Heee. C:

So now it's time for me to blog about my day in a character persona.  I'm excited about this one...

M     I     A     U     ?

I hate rain.  I don't usually hate a lot of things, but I really, really dislike the rain.  My sisters always complain about how it ruins their hair, but I just don't like to be cold.  When I forget my umbrella, it soaks my jeans, and then I stay wet and cold and miserable all day.  Which really, really sucks.  I don't think I can emphasize how much it sucks.

Today was crap.  I don't want to use a stronger word than that, because this goes on the internet for everyone to see and read, and cursing in general makes me uncomfortable, but today really was crap.  I had a quiz or test or almost quiz slash test in every single class.  The Spanish quiz was easy, though.  It's what we speak at home, most of the time.  Sometimes I think my mom won't speak to me in any other language.  She's so strange.

Anyway, first thing after that Spanish test was a practice AP exam.  Spanish 5 isn't all that difficult, I will admit, but the practice exam kind of put me to sleep.  It was really boring.  Except, there was one poem we had already read - called 'Lo Fatal,' and it's a good poem.  Pretty short, too.  That's why it was the easiest one on the test.

Then I went to comm apps and sat through a bunch of speeches.  We had a quiz in there too - only it took me a good thirty seconds to circle the answers and turn it in.  It was an 'SAT Vocab-Building Quiz,' but I thought it was just easy.  Then I traipsed off to English and was slaughtered by the Paradise Lost quiz.  I thought I understood it, but when they called up obscure quotes, I felt a little confused.  Okay, it was a lot confused.  I was just confused.

Then I went to environmental science and took a ridiculously easy test.  It was pretty nice.  And then I went to statistics to prepare for a test tomorrow that will also slaughter me, same with orchestra.  

But Friday was better.  I only had one test - in statistics - and it didn't slaughter me like I thought it would.  It was actually okay.  Huh.  And we didn't have to do our playing test in orchestra, which was another added bonus.  Friday was good.

So now, here it is, Saturday morning.  I have had this blog up for three days, which is a little ridiculous.  I have to go, though - mom is yelling at me to get down and make breakfast.  Sometimes I wonder if any of my family is ever going to learn how to cook for themselves...

So, uh, adios blog.

H          M          M         M         .   .   .

That was no lie, actually.  I really have had this thing open for like three freaking days.  I meant to finish it yesterday, but I just didn't have time, so here I am, clacking away at these keys.  I enjoy blogging, actually.  It's starting to grow on me...

But!  I really do have stuff to do today, so I'm gonna get out of here.  

PEACE.

-Lee

WHIGMA-LEE-RIE

 The picture is of a lotus in Buchart Gardens, Victoria Island, Canada.  I kind of really like lotuses.  

Is that not the coolest word you have ever seen in your life?  Whigmaleerie?  It's a real word.  Apparently it means something like 'a crazy idea' or 'on a whim.'  Huh.  Somehow I seem to get a lot of those.


Anyway, it's been a few days since I was on here.  Life is just so busy.  I like to stay busy, though - it gives me something to focus on, and something to work towards.  I also like public speaking, as strange as it sounds.  Communications application is becoming my favorite class.  I enjoy writing speeches and I enjoy giving them - and it's always fun to impress people with my acting, since I'm not an actress nor do I look particularly good at what I do.


Anyway, today, I think I'm going to try out my new writing style.  I'm goign to write in from teh point of view of a character, right after I clean off my freaking keyboard.  It's kind of really disgusting.  Honestly, I wish there was some way to eat Cheez-Its without completely ruining my hands.  And there has to be a better way that either a, wearing gloves, or b, putting the box up to my mouth and pouring.  Gloves would be bulky, and I tried the pouring thing.  Didn't work out to well...

a          b          c

So.  Today.  What was up with today, man?  I did nothing. Like, literally.  I didn't do anything.  Okay, that's a lie; I didn't do anything worthwhile.  I did a few things.  None of it was very interesting, though - and it definitely wasn't sex, so where's the fun in that? 

I will say that staring at the hot chick who was in front of me on my way to third period... mmm, yeah, that's what I'm talking about.  They weren't anywhere near as hot as the one guy from my fourth period, but I'm not gonna lie when I say I would definitely hit that.  Of course, I would hit a lot of people.  I've been told - by a few separate entities - that I have kind of low standards.  It doesn't really bother me.  If you're hot and willing, let's do it.  If you're not hot, let's not - but if you aren't totally willing, I can work around that. 

Gotta say that home life is a little sucky right now.  My brother was being especially annoying today.  I do have six siblings - well, okay, I'll be honest, I only have five and one half-sibling-but-not-really-step-sibling-because-he's-related - but my oldest brother is the most annoying person ever.  At least, he is when he forgets to take his pills.  I'm not really sure what makes him tick, but when he forgets those meds, man, he is freaking off the walls.  I would say that I was a little intimidated, but he's my brother.  What can I do but live with him?

Anyway - back to the hot kid I saw earlier.  That new kid I saw today was the hottest one yet, I think.  He was just kind of wandering the halls, looking a little lost.  I slipped out of my fourth period and spent it in the library - sort of - and I saw him.  He was gorgeous.  I mean, damn.  I would definitely like a piece of him under my fingers.  If he would agree.  Being bisexual is so convenient, wouldn't you say?

I think Ma is calling me.  She's always yelling at me to get off the damn computer, but that woman needs to take a chill pill.  I finally got in contact with my dad again - he found me on Facebook, of all things.  Now I can finally figure out who my dad is - and prove to everyone that no, my mother did not have sex with an octopus.  I mean, she might've, she does some pretty crazy things, but an octopus?  I think I read somewhere that the male octopus rapes the female.  Or something.  I don't think she's into that.

I'm totally neglecting my homework, but that hot kid, I just can't stop picturing him in my head.  His cute little 'I'm so lost' expression would've been better without any clothes.  Any.  At all.  I bet he looks better naked than with clothes on.  So would that chick in my seventh period.  All of them, no clothes.  We'd have a fucking good time, all right.  I can promise you that.

Anyway, enough about the sex.  However good it is.  Not gonna lie, I really enjoy it when the sex is good.  But I do have other things to do tonight, so I guess I'd better wrap this up.  I have tests and quizzes and shit to study for - too bad none of it is about anatomy.  Or sex.  I would definitely pay attention then.  Sadly, it's not.  I mean, John Milton does write a little about sex in the last part of book 4, but not much.  Not enough for me, anyway.

I'm definitely rolling out - shit to do, places to go... things to eat.  Yeah.

w          x            y

Huh.  That was interesting.  I'm not gonna lie - I need to get rid of all those 'honestly's and 'I'm not gonna lie's and 'really's and 'anyway's.  I write waaay too much of those, and I think this blogging is going to help point it out.  This guy turned out to be much more of a pervert than I had intended.

I think my cat is dreaming.  He's making these funny, high-pitched noises and twitching.  Now, if I were the character stated above, I would have never said something like that.  Because it just sounds too dirty.  Good thing I'm not!   Even though I might be snickering a little bit on the inside...

Today was long and busy, so I'm gonna take this guy's advice and roll out.  I still have lots of homework to do - and studying and all this crap.  Blech.  I'm tired of school.  Just a side note - kind of like a disclaimer - none of the above mentioned 'hot' people are real.  They are other characters that I will, eventually, blog as.  One day.  When I have time.  And they will definitely note the way this guy is staring.  He's such a pervert. :O

Time for me to insert my smilies, because I can't live without those things. C:  

But!  I have places to go and people to see - which is a lie, again - but I actually do have work to do.  So, for now, I'm gonna go do stuff.  That might actually improve my GPA.  I know, I know - what a whore.

PEACE.

-Lee   

C-LEE-NING UP

"A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way." 

- Mark Twain

x          y          z

Ringo.  He's gorgeous, isn't he?

Sometimes I wonder how he got so pretty.  The contrast in this picture made me think of a few interesting things, so I thought I'd sit down and share.  In about an hour, I'll have to get up and go to solo and ensemble, which basically means my group gets to play for a judge and then get a rating.  And that's all.  And we spend weeks and weeks stressing and preparing over it, only to have them rip us a new one with their comments or criticisms or suggestions.  Sometimes I feel like my characters do the same thing to me.

I've had some very strange writing experiences lately.  There are occasions where I will sit down at the computer and read over things and think to myself, 'Hey.  This sounds kind of familiar, but when did I write this?'  And other times, I'll sit down to reread something, and I'll want to hit myself.  Because it's so obviously not me writing.  It's the character, inserting themselves into a scene that they weren't supposed to, screwing up my plot, and messing with all my plans.  I'm addicted to those plans, but things really never turn out the way I want them to.  It's like my plans are all wasted, but they still help, so they're not?  It's confusing.

I've also had a few out-of-body experiences lately.  Or I've looked at people and I don't see them - instead I see a character.  Someone or something of my own creation.  It's confusing and weird and when I look back, the image is almost always gone, but it's so strange.  I get so attached to these characters that it's crazy.  I have so many of them.  It's a collection of all these people who practically live in my head, but I'm not sure where to put them all.

I feel like if I wrote something in the personalities of my characters - of everyone I write about, maybe if I blogged with them, I could do something I'd never managed before.  Writing in their personalities is one thing, but blogging about their day - in first person - would be different.  Very different.  It sounds so interesting and appealing that I think I'm going to do it.  I'll try to squeeze something in later so that I can test out this crazy new idea.  Maybe it'll help me write too.

But for now, I'm going to go shower and fix my hair and do girl things.  After all, I have to look nice for something that I'm going to get torn down for, right?  Not that I think we're terrible, but it's a few weeks early.  Too early to do this.  And I'm not really looking forward to it.

For now, I'm outta here.  I have to... do stuff.

So here I go.
-Lee

F-LEE-CE

"The best way to predict the future is to invent it."
 -Alan Kay

"You really don't know what you're talking about," he said firmly.  The other's grip on his arm was strong, but not too strong - he was sure he could break free if he really needed to.  "Would you let it go?"

"If by 'let it go,' you mean let go of you," she purred, simply clutching his arm tighter, "then I'm afraid you'll be disappointed."

He wasn't quite sure how to respond.  "Uh..."  The verbal pause escaped from his lips before he could think about how stupid it must have sounded.  "Well..."

"Face it, darling," she said finally.  "It's either me or him.  Take your pick."

He frowned and the expression sat heavy on his cheeks.  "Neither," he said solemnly.  "Neither."

  x          X          x 

There are things about life that I love, and there are things about live that I don't love.

Today is un día de estos - just one of those days.

It rained all day.  Weather here is so unpredictable, but I guess I'm used to it.  I even knew how cold it was supposed to be and everything, so I was warm and toasty in my nice winter jacket and everyone else was freezing their little butts off.  Honestly, I was quite pleased with myself.  But there was the fact that it's Friday too - that did help.  A little.

It would also help if I had fleece sheets.

This week was so ridiculously long, but looking back on it, it feels ridiculously short.  Where is all this time going?  There's so much I want to get done, but it feels like the clock is against me.  I never have time to do anything I want.  But that's a lie - again, the brutal honestly and lies sort of bleed together.  I guess that's why I like to write.  It's like combining your own experience and lies together and then showing it to other people for them to enjoy and criticize and pick apart.  Huh.

Anyway, I'm really feeling the whole 'starting something new.'  I have so many ideas, but I can't manage to get them all down in time, which is sad.  I end up losing things that I thought were really cool to begin with.  Like this morning, I had a very awesome idea, and now I think it might be sort of gone.  Not really there.  Depends on what I can get down on paper or typed up on the screen right now, but really - prospect's lookin' a little bleak.

Partly cloudy with a chance of rain, all right.

So.  I made a tiny bit of progress on the first item I would like, someday, to call a novel.  Instead of being all ridiculous and crack, it now has a few sentences more of sensible activity.  Dunno how long that's going to last, but at least I tried.

This new idea, I'm not sure where it's going to go.  So far, we have three characters - one whose first name is a fruit, one who might be likened to a Supreme Court Justice, and one named after Antonio Dvorak.  I'm not sure if that's going to change - it's highly likely - but I thought I'd get it all down.  The plot is a little iffy; and by iffy, I mean there might not be one down at all.  But I'm really working on it.  I might have to start little things first, because the prospect of writing a 900 page manuscript is a little daunting.  And I have to admit that that might be what my 'novel' turns into.  If I make you read it, it's only because I love you.

Blogging on this thing is good for my mental health, it seems.  I feel a lot calmer than I did when I sat down.  One more thing before I go - I want to talk about the little things that frustrate me to no end.

Sniffling.  Honestly, get off your butt and get a freaking tissue.  You don't have to sit there and sniffle incessantly until a teacher tells you - go US government - that nobody will laugh at you if you want to blow your nose.  Now go do it.  Before I murder something.

This guy in my orchestra class.  There's so much I could talk about disliking in him, but he just doesn't get it.  There are people that just don't get hints, but he's worse.  I drop hints.  I've said things loud enough for him to hear.  I have told him to his face.  He doesn't listen.  I hope something explodes near his face.  Rawr.

Not knowing things.  I like to know everything.  I like to know the future and the past and the present and everything in between.  I don't like surprises, I don't like cliffhangers, and I especially don't like puzzles.  Or those escape the room games.  Those drive me insane.  

I have to admit, though, that this blog is turning into a rant of things I dislike.  As good as it is for me, it's not interesting to read, so I'll peace out with a few more words.  I did some work today.  Not all of it was productive, but I worked.

I'm trying.  For now, I'm outta here.

So here I go.
-Lee

LEE-PING IN

"There's no place to hide - but I don't think I'm scared."

-This Side, Nickel Creek 

"You know, kid," she said with a mirthless smile.  The cut on her cheek was dripping.  One small drop of red-black blood fell to the ground; she had never bothered to stem the flow. "You really have no idea what you're getting yourself into, do you?"

"Of course I do," I answered with conviction.  I was proud of that - honestly, the woman was starting to send alarms off in my mind.  Master had pointedly told me to avoid her type.  "You can do your worst."

She was much faster than I had figured, and her figure belied that monstrous strength - a single blow, faster than I could follow, knocked me to the ground, and the night sky hovered over me.  The stars - I admired them before the world shrank to black.

Only this time, when I opened my eyes, the world was gone.

X          x          X

I'm not a fan of blogging, to be honest.  And let me assure you, when I'm not lying to your face, I can be brutally honest.

Sometimes it's just difficult for me to sit down and try to put words to my emotions or put emotions to my words.  I'm not good at expressing myself because most of the time, there's no one around to listen.  Or if there is, I just don't trust enough to actually open up.  It's difficult to explain, and even more difficult to understand.  But I guess that's why we write - to understand ourselves more than we did before, a little bit each day.  Learning about yourself is a valuable lesson, sure.  But that's really not what I came here to blog about.

Lee is going to be an author someday.  Not that she enjoys writing in third person as a hobby, but because putting pen to paper or fingers to keyboard is more than a hobby.  It's become that, over the years.  Because eventually, you find that when there really is nobody to talk to, the keyboard is all you've got.  And even though it can't offer advice or make you feel any better, the keyboard will be there for you, rain or shine.  Unless, of course, it breaks.  Then, well... there's always paper, right?

Anyway, I have to admit that I don't consider myself that much of an interesting person.  This blog isn't going to be filled with tales of adventures or wild teenage activities.  The most I do is maybe - oh God - stay up until eleven.  I like to sleep - I like it maybe too much - but I'm not going to let that get in the way of getting what I want.  Or who I want, but that's another story entirely.

I'm going to start this blog with my goals.  I don't have a lot of them, but they are serious goals and I'm going to accomplish them.  There is no question of if - only when.

Goal #1:
I will publish something.  It doesn't matter if it's a book of poems or a photo book of my cats.  Something of mine will be published.  I will be out there in the world.  I would definitely prefer if the something published was writing, but first I want to be out there.  I can worry about the little things later.

Goal #2:
I will learn.  Languages - I want to learn them all, the way your tongue curls for a Spanish 'r,' the way your inflection matters for Chinese 'cat.'  I want to learn languages so badly, but the education system in America seems to prevent me from doing too much.  This one might take a little more work than just typing, but I'm willing to put in the effort.  I want to learn.

Goal #3:
My writing will be finished some day.  I have so many things I want to work on that I can't get all my ideas straight half the time.  I want to create worlds - somewhere nobody can dwell in but those of my choosing, and it's already halfway there. There's so much out there for me to create, and some day, everything I want will be real.  It only takes some work on my part and the participation and encouragement of people who care - whoever they are and however much they do - and I'll be there.

Wish me luck, because I'm going to need it.  I'm not confident enough to do this on my own - much as I would like to be.  I'll do this, it just might take some prodding.  And a boost.  But I'm not giving up - not on this one.

So here I go.