SWIMMING - LEE

Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air. 
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

S     W     I     M     M     I     N     G     L     Y

So I haven't blogged since my last, quasi-angsty piece a little more than a week ago, but I had good reason.  Mardi Gras holiday was spectacular.

The night after I blogged all of that last, my best friend called me crying and almost hysterical; she had worked herself up into a frenzy about things I might have thought or said - none of which turned out to be the real way I felt - and wanted to talk about her decision for us not to sleep together anymore.  So we talked it out, and I wasn't mad, just a little bewildered at the so sudden decision; we worked everything out and now things are almost exactly the way they were before, just without the sex.  It's still fun to role play in person, of course.  We got a lot of funny looks at the mall the other day.

We've started some new role plays, too, with all three of us - bonding, you know?  We made a whole slew of new characters and an interesting new setting for them, and I have some more angsty writing to do later... It feels like the end of the week is going to be pretty good, especially if I can manage to get all my work done and still have plenty of time for writing. That would be very, very ideal.

Today was kind of boring; we did our customary seven-hour car ride from home to home, and now we're back in Louisiana until spring break... I can't wait until spring break.  It's going to be awesome.  It's just so disappointing that we have a different break from like, everyone else in the world.  Or at least, everyone else in the United States.  Okay, fine; everyone else in Texas has a spring break this coming week, and we don't.  We just get Mardi Gras and then more break in a month or so.  Give or take.  I wish it was now.

I wish I wasn't on my period, though.  Sad face!  That means no sex, and while I hate to share the gory details of my excellent and lesbian sex life, that means I won't be getting any until like... next week.  And with the new and exciting array of helpful 'toys' we have obtained, next week could not come any faster.  No pun intended.  Lol, do you see what I did there?  Pretty clever.  I crack myself up.

But all in all, life is going pretty well.  We didn't die en route to college, Mardi Gras was awesome, and we even got to eat some pretty delicious foodstuffs and have an awesome picnic.  I'm really pleased with the way things turned out, and while I'm disappointed that all these new characters don't really leave too much room for working with our old couples, at least for a while, it does give us the opportunity to expand and include there people in our role playing.  We're going to have lots of fun!  We've already got a sun elf, a rogue, a human, a vampire, a Bible thumper, and a siren... and we'll probably have a gypsy or two soon, and a healer, and maybe a couple bad guys thrown in?  It's really going to be fun. 

But, as it is late and I have yet to do important things like shower and get ready for bed, I'm gonna have to be outta here.  First day back at school tomorrow, and I have to look decent.  And by decent, I mean not exhausted.  So - maybe more important drama will happen later this week.  Hopefully not.  I like my life to be drama-free and slightly angsty.  Lol not really.  

PEACE.

-lee

OOC

So this is about more drama and I don't want to waste time with a picture and quote and clever wordplay; I want to get right to the issue while my feelings are still fresh.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it in my blog before, but I'm a bisexual female with a girlfriend.  I've been with her for pushing three years now, and we've been through so much together.  I know I'm still fairly young to have had such a steady relationship, but I don't really care what studies say about high school relationships.  Ours is still going strong, you know?  But I've also been fooling around - read: sleeping with - my best friend.  My girlfriend knew about it and was relatively okay with it; I mean, I'd made it clear to her that I want to do things and try things and that some of that won't include her.

But as usual, something has to go wrong - I wish being objective was easier.  I got home from Walmart, buying some bread and milk and Nutella (which is fabulous, by the way), and she spells out those words that no one ever wants to hear - because everyone knows that when someone close to you says, "We need to talk," there's a problem. 

Apparently my friend was out all day with a new friend and 'spilled her feelings' to this new friend.  Feelings that, apparently, can't be shared with me because they'd be inappropriate and messy.  But I'm pretty sure I know what the deal is; my best friend wants to be my girlfriend but doesn't want to break up me and my current girlfriend.  I don't want to sound conceited or anything in assuming that she wants to be my girlfriend; I'm not that good at reading between the lines, but I think there are some signs.

Personally, I have trouble trying to figure out who I would pick if I was faced with the choice.  If I had to chose between my best friend and my girlfriend in a competition like that - there are pros and cons to both of them, you know?  And I don't want to lose either of them, ultimately, because I'm too indecisive and slightly wimpish to make a definitive choice.  I want to keep up this happy lifestyle that we've had up until now, and I don't want to lose my role play partner or my girlfriend of almost three years.  I don't want things to change.

But feelings are messy, I guess.  You can't really control who you fall in love with or how things work out.  I wish it were possible to have a legitimate three-way relationship, but I guess that isn't really realistic.  In the end it boils down to 'which one of us do you really like better,' and I don't want to play that game.  But anyway, my best friend has decided that the best thing for us right now is that we shouldn't sleep together anymore.  I'm okay with that, I guess.  I'll miss it, sure, and I'm a little disappointed, but I'll live.  It's not going to drastically affect my lifestyle or anything.

It might make things a little awkward between us, I'm sure.  Since we're not sleeping together, what does that mean in terms of touching and kissing and snuggling?  Are we not going to do that anymore either, and I'm on a two-foot distance all the time?  Or does it mean it's going to be exactly the way it was before, just without the sex?  I don't really know; she logged off before we had a chance to really talk about it.

I'm not really sure what to think about all of this, but I guess there's nothing else to do but let it run its course.  We'll have to see how things turn out and how this affects our relationship from here on out.  Bottom line - I really, really don't want to lose either of these people from my life.  That's my goal. 

But I'm tired; I think I'm going to sleep on this, excuse the terrible un-funny pun, and see if it makes any difference in the morning.

One last note - this makes me infinitely glad that neither of them know I blog.  I can yak about my feelings all I want and nobody is any wiser...

PEACE.
-lee

CURRENT - LEE

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
Benjamin Franklin

 

T     H     R     E     E          D     A     Y     S

There are only three days left until I can go home for the first time since the semester started. 

Obviously I am in a much better mood.  Things have been going very well for the past few days; I've gotten in some good writing - so much angst, oh my god - and things have been passing by pretty quickly.  As long as I ace my math test tomorrow, this week will be pretty much awesome.  I'm going to head home on Friday after my psychology quiz, and even though the seven-odd hour drive is going to be pretty awful, I'm so excited for it.  I can't wait to just head down I-10, cruise down the bumpy Louisiana roads, and head home.

I'm mostly excited because I want to see my friend.  This break isn't going to be our longest, but it's definitely going to be fun; the night I come home, it is quite possible that we're going to go clubbing.  We went clubbing once before, and while we were painfully overdressed, we looked so good.  Hopefully this time I won't have to go painfully overdressed.  I like dressing down just as much as the next person, thank you.  Jeans and t-shirts are the staple of my wardrobe.  Actually, shorts and t-shirts; I'm not gonna lie.  The weather has been fabulous for the past week.

I mean, it looked like ti was going to rain yesterday, but then it almost always looks like that on Mondays.. It's weird.  But it didn't; the clouds burned off, and today there isn't one in the sky that I can see.  It's so blue and bright and crisp; I love it.

Writing has been going so well this past week too.  We've gotten so much done - we're so close to being done with part five for Reytaio and Solarim, and I got a very long spiel done with my pirates.  They're so depressing, though!  Part of the reason Solarim is so unhappy is because his best friend dies - but his best friend has a lover, you know?  And that lover is my character, Chex, so I spent some time figuring out exactly how he was going to fall apart after Juno died.  He's a pirate, too, so I have another pirate character who tangled with Solarim for a while come back into the picture... It's so interesting that we created these characters on such a whim and they have the potential to be so deep...

I love it.  It's been a great week and a great weekend so far.  Even today, my biology was canceled! That might mean I get to go out for coffee instead of going to classes or doing math homework - though I do need to do both of those things eventually.  I need to get everything fixed for the weekend so that way we can just hit the road and not have to worry about complications or anything.

I'm so excited!  I can't wait to go home and eat real food and hang out with friends... It's going to be wonderful.  I mean, seeing my family is a bonus too - especially my kitties! <3  I love my kitties so much - and we're probably going to sit down and figure out where we're going to live next fall, too... Picking out an apartment.  How fun!  

So pretty much I'm in a good mood today and I don't want anything to ruin it.  So before I get angsty or sad, I'll quit my blog today and just find something else to occupy my time with at work.  Because honestly, I sorted four papers today and put a binder on the shelf.  I have a really difficult job, huh.

PEACE.

-lee